Have you ever wondered why some people remain in an abusive relationship? Well lets see if trauma bonding is involved.
I was approached by a patient who couldn’t afford medical treatment and was waiting for her abusive married boyfriend to come and pay. This man never showed up. She was asked to stop her job by this same man who doesn’t give her any support money and to top it up ,beats her up at the least provocation or sense of defiance. I asked myself why don’t you get out of this relationship? She could not answer… I was boiling so much I wanted to strangle the man if I should meet him. So I came across this article that helped me understand he situation and I believe it can help someone too. Please read below:
It can be tough to figure out when you’ve never been in one.
Even for those involved in an abusive relationship, it can be hard for them to even understand.
Some people are lucky enough to escape. However, many others continue to stay in an abusive relationship without even knowing they are in one.
How could they not know?
Most people believe that abuse is only physical. But according to therapist Shannon Thomas, Author of “Healing from Hidden Abuse”, psychological abuse can often be worse as it slowly disintegrates the victim’s psychological wellbeing.
It can often start with small insidious comments and then become more frequent over time.
The problem is that narcissistic and abusive people are great at pretending to be an amazing partner. They’ll “love bomb you with affection” and then turn around and treat you like crap the rest of the time.
The victim believes that because their partner is a great person, it must be their fault when they get abused.
This can easily lead to a never ending cycle of constantly try to win back the abuser’s affection, in a process called “trauma bonding”.
Why can this cycle of trauma bonding continue so long?
It’s addictive. You’re abused but then you’re rewarded with love bombs when you do something right for the abuser.
This can really take a toll on your mental health as you can experience frequent bouts of stress and sadness when you’re being abused, but then elevated highs when you’re rewarded with good behavior.
The victim often doesn’t really know what’s going on, because manipulative tactics and intermittent love put the victim in a cycle of self-blame and desperation to win back their partner’s affection.
According to Psych Central, here are the signs you’re being psychologically abused in a relationship:
1. Your partner regularly doesn’t stick to their word. What they say and do are often different.
2. Many people comment that they are disturbed by what is happening in your relationship.
3. You feel like there’s no way out of your relationship.
4. You keep having fights and arguments with your partner with no real solution.
5. You’re often punished for doing ‘the wrong thing’.
6. You find it hard to detach from the relationship and focus on other things in life.
7. When you want to leave, you don’t act because you feel it may destroy you.
If you feel you’re in an abusive relationship, it might be time to talk with your friends and see how they feel about your relationship.
If they tell you that it’s in your best interest to leave, then you might want to consider doing so.
Thomas says that there comes a time when victim’s leave and during the grieving process they start coming round to the idea that they were abused.
They finally see the damage that was being done and realize that it wasn’t their fault.